The price of affluence

By Amy Novotney

American Psychological Association, 2009

Vol. 40, No. 1, Page 50

New research shows that privileged teens may be more self-centered—and depressed—than ever before.

Many of today's most unhappy teens probably made the honor roll last semester and plan to attend prestigious universities, according to research by psychologist Suniya Luthar, PhD, of Columbia University's Teachers College. In a series of studies, Luthar found that adolescents reared in suburban homes with an average family income of $120,000 report higher rates of depression, anxiety and substance abuse than any other socioeconomic group of young Americans today.

"Families living in poverty face enormous challenges," says Luthar, who has also studied mental health among low-income children. "But we can't assume that things are serene at the other end."

Privileged teens often have their own obstacles to overcome. Some say these problems may be due to an increasingly narcissistic society—as is evidenced by fame-hungry reality TV stars and solipsistic Web sites. Plus, says Harvard University's Dan Kindlon, PhD, families have shrunk and kids are now seen as more precious.

"It was kind of hard to think that the world revolved around you when you had eight brothers and sisters," says Kindlon, author of "Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children in an Indulgent Age" (Hyperion, 2001).

Others say the trouble may stem from parents who put too much emphasis on grades and performance, as opposed to a child's personal character.

"My experience with upper-middle-class moms is that they are worried sick about their kids," says San Francisco clinical psychologist Madeline Levine, PhD, author of "The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids" (HarperCollins, 2006).

While such parents are certainly well-meaning, it may take a toll on their children.

Generation all about me

When Levine first began lecturing to parents about child rearing, she titled her talk "Parenting the Average Child" and had a hard time attracting a crowd, she recalls. "Nobody believed they had an average child," she says.

But parents aren't the only ones insisting their children are special—their kids believe it as well, according to research by San Diego State University psychology professor Jean M. Twenge, PhD. She analyzed the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI) scores of 16,475 American college students between 1979 and 2006 and found that one out of four students in recent generations show elevated rates of narcissism. In 1985, that number was only one in seven.

Some narcissistic traits—such as authority and self-sufficiency—can be healthy, says Robert Horton, PhD, a psychology professor at Wabash College in Crawfordsville, Ind. But too much self-absorption can often lead to interpersonal strife, he adds. Research shows that narcissists tend to be defensive, do not forgive easily and have trouble committing to romantic relationships and holding on to friendships. In other words, their egos can get in the way of true happiness, says Twenge.

"Narcissism is correlated with so many negative outcomes," says Twenge, whose research appeared in August's Journal of Personality (Vol. 76, No. 4). "Yet it seems to be something that is now relatively accepted in our culture."

Our culture's cult of celebrity may fuel the fire. In 2006, Drew Pinsky, MD—a radio host and psychiatry professor at the University of Southern California—teamed with USC psychologist Mark Young, PhD, to measure celebrities' narcissism levels. Two hundred well-known actors, musicians and comedians completed the NPI. The researchers found that celebrities were significantly more narcissistic than the average person. The study, published in the Journal of Research in Personality (Vol. 40, No. 5), also showed that reality television stars were among the most narcissistic of all celebrities.

"These shows are a showcase for narcissism, and they're portrayed as reality," Twenge says.

Psychologist Susan E. Linn, EdD, fears that today's fascination with wealthy celebrities and reality shows such as MTV's "My Super Sweet 16"—where a teen plans a million-dollar birthday party—contribute to normalizing this type of behavior. Kids immersed in this kind of media glitz feel unfulfilled or even like failures because they are not fabulously rich or famous, she notes.

"The combination of ubiquitous and sophisticated media and technology and unfettered commercialism is just a disaster for kids," says Linn, associate director of the Media Center at the Judge Baker Children's Center at Harvard University. "A constant barrage of images of wealth and narcissism promote unhealthy values and false expectations of what life should be like."

Harvard or bust

Psychologist Kali Trzesniewski, PhD, however, isn't convinced that narcissism is really on the rise. Her research, based on a data set of high school seniors from across the country as well as college students at the University of California, finds that students answer the NPI the same as their counterparts 30 years ago. She says what may seem like self-absorption is probably just more awareness of the numerous choices now available to them when it comes to what they want to do with their lives.

"Graduates entering the job market today have a lot of opportunities and a lot more jobs to choose from, so they have the freedom to be more selective," says Trzesniewski, a psychology professor at the University of Western Ontario, whose study appeared in February's Psychological Science (Vol. 19, No. 2). "That doesn't necessarily change their core beliefs."

Levine believes that what's actually driving upper-middle-class teens' mental health troubles is a fear of failure. Parents, she says, worry that their children won't make it in an increasingly competitive world, leading to an obsession over standardized test scores and getting their kids into the right schools.

"Parents are worried that if their children don't get into Harvard, they're going to be standing with a tin cup on the corner somewhere," Levine says.

On top of perfectionism, teens often can't deal with situations that don't go their way, perhaps because their parents protected them from disappointments earlier in life, Levine says. In fact, teens who indicated that their parents overemphasized their accomplishments were most likely to be depressed or anxious and use drugs, according to a 2005 study led by Luthar in Current Directions in Psychological Science (Vol. 14, No. 1).

What can parents do? Levine and Kindlon recommend that they give their children clear responsibilities to help out around the house and that families take part in community service activities together. Turning off the TV at least one night a week and monitoring Internet use are also important, says Linn. Such actions teach children the values that can lead to greater life satisfaction, says Levine, who also urges parents to stop obsessing about perfect grades and focus more on helping their children enjoy learning for its own sake.

And parents and psychologists alike should recognize that teens who seem to have it all may, in fact, lack the resources they need to find personal happiness.

"We've been a little remiss in assuming, without much examination, that children of privilege are immune to emotional distress and victimization," says Luthar. "Pain transcends demographics and family income."

Further reading

• Kindlon, D. (2001). Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children in an Indulgent Age. New York, N.Y.: Hyperion.
• Levine, M. (2006). The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids. New York, N.Y.: HarperCollins.
• Twenge, J.M. (2006). Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled—and More Miserable Than Ever Before. New York, N.Y.: Free Press.

Money can't buy happiness

By Amy Novotney

American Psychological Association, July/August 2012, 

Vol. 43, No. 7, Page 24

Extremely wealthy people have their own set of concerns: anxiety about their children, uncertainty over their relationships and fears of isolation, finds research by Robert Kenny.

Most of what we think we know about people with a lot of money comes from television, movies and beach novels — and a lot of it is inaccurate, says Robert Kenny, EdD.

In an effort to remedy that, Kenny, a developmental psychologist and senior advisor at the Center on Wealth and Philanthropy at Boston College, is co-leading a research project on the aspirations, dilemmas and personal philosophies of people worth $25 million or more. Kenny and his colleagues surveyed approximately 165 households via an anonymous online survey and were surprised to find that while money eased many aspects of these people's lives, it made other aspects more difficult.

Dr. Robert Kenny

The Monitor spoke to Kenny about his findings and about the significance of his research for those of us who don't have a net worth of $25 million or more.

WHAT PROMPTED YOU TO STUDY WEALTHY FAMILIES?

We wanted to try to understand the deeper motivations of people in high net worth households. They are rarely questioned about this, and instead are asked whether they would like a Mercedes or a Lexus. Do they prefer Tiffany's or Cartier? Most surveys of high net worth households are marketing surveys to sell a product, so the questions that are asked are pretty narrow.

We decided to ask three major questions: First, we asked, "What is the greatest aspiration for your life?" As far as we can tell, no one has ever asked this population that question, yet there are assumptions made about this all the time. The second major question was, "What's your greatest aspiration for your children?" Our third question was, "What's your greatest aspiration for the world?" After each of the major questions we asked, "How does your money help you with your greatest aspiration?" and, "How does your money get in the way?"

WHAT DID YOU FIND?

People consistently said that their greatest aspiration in life was to be a good parent — not exactly the stereotype some might expect. When asked whether their money helps with that, they answered with all the obvious: good schools, travel, security, varied experiences. But when we asked how their money gets in the way, that was a payload. We received response after response on how money is not always helpful. They mentioned very specific concerns, such as the way their children would be treated by others and stereotyped as rich kids or trust fund babies, they wondered if their children would know if people really loved them or their money, whether they'd know if their achievements were because of their own skills, knowledge and talent or because they have a lot of money.

Some were concerned about motivation. They worried that if their children have enough money and don't have to worry about covering the mortgage, what will motivate them? How will they lead meaningful lives? This is where the money might get in the way and make things confusing, not necessarily better. Very few said they hoped their children made a lot of money, and not many said they were going to give all the money to charity and let their kids fend for themselves. They were, however, really interested in helping their children figure out how they could live a meaningful life. Even though they did not have to "make a living," they did need to make a life.

As for the respondents' aspirations for the world, they focused, once again, on how to help the youth in the world live healthy, meaningful and impactful lives. Their answers were consistently youth-focused: They were concerned about being good parents, they were concerned about their children and they were concerned about the children of the world in general. We found that to be very interesting, and even surprising because it runs contrary to so many of the stereotypes about this population.

WHAT HAD YOU EXPECTED TO HEAR?

One could expect that you might hear things like, "I wanted to make a lot of money and become financially independent and be able to do whatever I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it." But very few said anything like that, although they appreciated the temporal freedom. It was so non-financially focused. I expected that when we asked them about their greatest aspiration for their children, we'd get a lot more people saying they wanted their children to be world leaders, but that's not what they said at all. People said, "I'd like them to think about how to make their world a better place." Not the world, their world — their community, their neighborhood, their family.

WHAT MIGHT PSYCHOLOGISTS FIND MOST INTERESTING ABOUT THIS WORK?

A net worth of $25 million or more brings temporal freedom, spatial freedom and sometimes psychological freedom, but it's not always easy. Eventually temporal freedom — the freedom to do anything you want — raises dilemmas about what the best way to use all your time might be. There's also spatial freedom: You get to build anything you want — a house, a business, a new nonprofit — and people often get lost or befuddled with all of their options. And you get choice. You can go to this restaurant or that one, this resort or that one, buy this car or that one. People can get overwhelmed by all the choices and possibilities, and the amount of freedom that they have.

Then the overwhelming question becomes: What is the best use of my time and resources? After a while one can actually become stymied and even dispirited. There are plenty of folks who are more than willing to make suggestions, but it takes a lot of individual work to develop the psychological freedom to make decisions. For most, that's not a problem because time and money are limited, so the choices are limited. Being willing to try to understand the challenges of having an oversupply of time and money can be difficult for therapists.

The takeaway from all of this is that there seemed to be a trend that said you can't buy your way out of the human condition. For example, one survey participant told me that he'd sold his business, made a lot of money off that and lived high for a while. He said, "You know, Bob, you can just buy so much stuff, and when you get to the point where you can just buy so much stuff, now what are you going to do?"

WHAT'S THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THIS RESEARCH FOR THE VAST MAJORITY OF US WHO AREN'T WEALTHY?

This research shows the rest of the world, who often think that if they just made one more bonus or sold one more item or got one more promotion, then their world and their family's world would be so much better, that this isn't necessarily true. There's another whole level of concerns that parents are going to have about their kids. One of those concerns is this feeling of isolation. That's actually a No. 1 concern for families with a high net worth — this sense of isolation — and the higher the wealth, the worse it gets. We know this is a very powerful feeling when it comes to one's overall sense of well-being, and these people feel very isolated because they have what most of the world thinks they want. But just because you have money doesn't mean you're not going to have a bad day every once in a while. But what you often lose when you have all this money is the friendships that support you through the difficult times.

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED THROUGH YOUR YEARS OF WORKING WITH PEOPLE WITH A HIGH NET WORTH?

I think the toughest part about both working with this population and being in this population is that as soon as you say they have a net worth of $25 million, someone will start playing the violin. Like, "Oh, cry me a river, you have all this money and it's causing problems?"

No one is saying, "Poor me, I have a lot of money." In fact, most of them are saying, "I love having a lot of money. But don't get me wrong, there are some downsides."

These people don't have to worry about whether they'll have enough to make the mortgage payment, and they feel very fortunate. But it isn't nirvana either. If their kids have access to a lot of money, and therefore a lot of drugs, that hurts just as much as if they don't have any money and their kids are doing drugs. It doesn't save you from any of that. It's still a parent who has a child who is hurting.